When I was younger I used to fear death. I just couldn't picture my body being buried forever. How lonely and sad it must be. Of course now that I'm older and wiser I believe your body is just a shell and your spirit goes to heaven where it is pure and safe for all eternity. In heaven you feel only good emotions and no longer feel worry, pain, sadness or fear. What a wonderful place we deserve to go to one day but also must earn. We live here on earth to follow a path that God has chosen for us and hope we learn along the way to ask for forgiveness when we stumble.
So what is a mothers fear? Leaving her children without a mother. Of course we all die. Of course I want to die before my children. I just hope I get to be there for them as long as they need me. I hope to have enough time to teach them how to see the good in this world. Its not always easy to admit when your wrong and its not always easy to forgive but understanding how freeing it is to your own soul is a gift you can give yourself. This is fresh on my mind lately because I'm waiting for some results from the doctor. Now I'm not trying to be dramatic and think I have some horrible condition when I really just have some aches in my legs. Most likely its nerve damage and it can be fixed. But it got me thinking. When I was driving home from doing my blood work that morning this song came on called If I Die Young by The Band Perry. Such a beautiful song even though its kinda sad. You hope and pray to live a long healthy life full of happiness and love. Since I've had my 2 boys I've realized I need to take care of myself for them. Of course for me too but they are my world at this moment and I wouldn't want them to feel sad or a void in their life.
Today a politicians wife died. Thats what pushed me to finally blog about this subject. I'm not super political (I didn't even vote for this man) but I did read a story once about her and what I remember is her love for her kids. She just seemed really passionate about her kids and I've been thinking about how sad they must feel right now. Something so tragic and sad happened to them today and the one person that could make them feel better.... can't. Its a blessing that she knew this day was coming and could prepare them for it. I'm sure she talked to them a lot about this inevitable day but it still must hurt. I hate for kids to hurt. Rest in peace Elizabeth Edwards. I will pray for your children.
To my boys......
I love you deeply. I hope to be at every event, big or small, rain or sunshine. I hope to teach you all the good I know. I hope you can forgive and forget the ugly that comes into your life. I hope for you to be passionate and love deeply. I hope you take risks and I hope you succeed. I hope you laugh everyday. I hope you treat others good even if they don't deserve it. I hope you never feel alone and always ask for a help if you need it. I hope you love life.
Know that when I do go to heaven I'll be waiting for you and I'll show you the ropes. I love you both. -Love Mom
One of my favorite pictures with Wyatt when he was 8 months. We haven't done family pics with Gatlon yet. Give me some time to lose the weight!!
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